shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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