in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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