if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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