I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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