i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
