I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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