Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
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