update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
