I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
