Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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