I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
