So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
