White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
