Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
that's an acceptable place to lick
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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