Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
