the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
