i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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