it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
