let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
