So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
i think i just lost a toe
You ruined the universe
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
