That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize