I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
