I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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