Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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