Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
