You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
