Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
