Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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