i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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