Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
