Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Randomize
