Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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