and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
