every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Randomize
