Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
you inspire me to be a worse person
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
