I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
