I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
