remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
