come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
is it fun? or sober?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
