remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
and you fell through a lawn chair
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
