dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
