your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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