I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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