don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
sarcasm needs its own font
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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