Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
