I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
