i just had sex bonerless
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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