All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
