my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Randomize
