Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
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