What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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