i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
