Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
