these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Randomize
