I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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