Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
