I think my fart just growled at me.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
