Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
