We're facebook friends in real life
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
