i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
