i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
