This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
