i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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