i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
