Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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