I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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