There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
