listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
