She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
