you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
