you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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