he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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