I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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