I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Randomize
