I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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