The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
where am i from again
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
