I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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