My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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