Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
My life is pants optional.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
