Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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