Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
