There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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