so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
