Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
