I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
you inspire me to be a worse person
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
