Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
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Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
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I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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