I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
