Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I just found puke in my bra..
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
