I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
