I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
